Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she told me i tasted like america
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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