For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
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An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
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I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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