I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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