Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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