I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
