Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
do nipples grow back?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
