Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
