I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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