Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
