I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
