so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
