I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
