What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
