Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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