my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
