Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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