apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
