if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
