i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
