Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
