I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Help. Why am I so naked?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
