How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We have started to decorate penises.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
