made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
