He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Its about making memories worth repressing
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
