Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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