just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
