i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
