I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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