I wish I could punch you in the face.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Hippo gnu deer
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
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