My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
