I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
