Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
being pregnant is like rehab
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
