I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
