Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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