it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
