WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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