Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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