He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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