I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
