8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I looked at my own cervix.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I still have a little drunk in my system
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
