just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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