Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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