Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
