saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
