So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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