You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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