we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
