My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i dont even know how to be here
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So many bounce houses so little time
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
