There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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