I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
