Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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