All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
