I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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