Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
