my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
