Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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