hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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