How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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