I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
