maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Banned from zoo.
Again?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
