where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
