so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
