1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Randomize
