my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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