yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize