I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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