That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
