I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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