I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
