Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
