i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You dont lie about slip and slides
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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