i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You're a waste of cheezeits
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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